I faced my fear today. I drove on the same road that changed my life. I did not take another route. No- I voluntarily and cognitively made the choice to break free. I gripped my hands on the steering wheel and did a U-turn to the same road that changed me. And what I mean by driving on the same road is driving in the same direction of the accident.
This was my choice. It was a choice that I did not regret in the end after all.
Tomorrow would have marked the three months since the accident. Today marked the day I drove on the road.
It was a battle between my mind and my body. I was fighting the mechanisms my body usually does to protect me. The numbing feeling in my legs. The tingling feeling in my arms. The disconnecting feeling surrounding my body. The gagging reflex taking me back to the day. And lastly, the flashbacks heightening my five human senses.
I survived. I breathed, I counted one two three, and I spoke to myself the entire time. This only took a few seconds of my time, but it felt like the opposite.
The road was quiet. I was alone today. I was also alone during the accident. Feeling so alone was a common feeling I had during my recovery. It was my common theme. I was alone in the car during the accident. I have never felt so alone. I was literally and figuratively alone. What a lovely combination. However, being alone in the car today and facing my fear alone in the car today felt as if this redeemed my trauma. I understand it might be confusing to understand but this feeling of being alone felt right this time. I gained something from this experience. I fought with the feelings of trauma that held me down for a long time. I faced my fear. I essentially found myself and I have never felt so complete.
This damsel freed herself and now she is free like a butterfly set free.